


tidal

by catspajama_llamas



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Bittersweet, Fluff, M/M, Songwriting, Vacation, beach, conflicting emotions, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-20 18:33:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6020584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catspajama_llamas/pseuds/catspajama_llamas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"Heaven is a place on earth with you"</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	tidal

In another time, they’re free.

No cares, no worries, and when Shuu offers that they stay in one of the Tsukiyama vacation estates, Kaneki doesn’t refuse. They end up staying in one Shuu knows inside and out, a cottage in an isolated meadow next to the sea.

 

Shuu can’t say how much time has passed, that they’ve been here at the cottage. Time doesn’t seem to exist in this place. But, before they know it, it’s their last day before they return to the city and the dregs and grind of everyday life.

 

So, as they have nothing else planned (not that there’s much to plan for- there’s either explore the grounds or stay inside the cottage, both of which they gladly welcome), they walk down to the bordering sea’s shoreline.

It’s not very far from the cottage, nor is the walk anything treacherous, but Kaneki and Shuu walk hand in hand the short way there. They say little to each other, but offer each other a contented smile, and a squeeze to the hand.

 

There is a piano sitting on the sand of the little beach once they get there. They both brought it down there the first day they arrived. It was Kaneki’s idea.

 _“You never get the chance to play anymore,”_ Kaneki said, trailing his hand against the keys, tapping a few of them. Shuu stayed silent.

_“I don’t, do I..”_

He didn’t play that day. He didn’t play any of the following days, either. But he sat in front of it the day before, which he thought counted for something.

Shuu’s pulled from his thoughts when he feels the chilly water brush against his feet. Kaneki is a few steps in front of him, deeper in the water. He stares out into it vacantly, until Shuu approaches to hold his hand and walk along the shoreline with him. It’s become their daily routine, which is all ending after tonight. For now, Shuu doesn’t want to think about that.

“What are you thinking about?” Kaneki asks after a while in silence. “It’s not like you to be so quiet. It’s.. a little strange for me,” he laughs.

Shuu laughs as well. “I suppose it is, isn’t it? But..”

“...but what?”

He stares ahead, looking at nothing in particular.

_..are we really any better than strangers now?_

Kaneki looks up at him. “Shuu?”

“... Ah, nothing, mon cher. Say, did I tell you about this place?”

Kaneki shakes his head.

Shuu feels his heart start chipping. There’s no reason for the sudden feeling.

He clears his throat, making his hold on Kaneki’s hand less slack. Intertwines their fingers.

“Well.. this is where I would come every spring and summer as a child, when my father was on vacation. It happened to be his favorite out of our other estates..”

Kaneki stays listening.

“Matsumae would come with us occasionally, when she became my caretaker. Papa.. sometimes he’d take his work with him. Couldn’t let it go. Actually, he worked more often than naught while we were here.”

Shuu laughs. Swings their linked hands the slightest.

“And when I was older, and Kanae arrived, we-.. we..”

He stops walking. Kaneki stops, too.

“It was a place for all of us,” he says, quiet. His eyes dim.

Kaneki lets go of his hand. Instead, he stands in front of Shuu, wrapping him in an embrace. Shuu responds after a few seconds, laying his head onto Kaneki’s. Kaneki kisses his cheek.

“Thank you, Shuu”, Kaneki says.

They start walking back after a few minutes.

 

Just as they’re about to leave the beach and take the way back to the cottage, Shuu notices the piano again. He looks at Kaneki, smiles, and walks over to the piano alone. Kaneki touches his back and moves nearer the shore to stand in the water, admiring the waves and lavishing the sea breeze.

Shuu takes in the sight of him in the water, how it splashes around him in equal parts as Kaneki playfully kicks up some of it. It’s a rare sight to see him so carefree. He relishes it, knowing this is something that no one else will ever share with him. Something that will only ever be theirs. He doesn’t care whatever else may happen, so long as this place still exists. As long as he can have these moments..

He starts playing a few notes. The melody comes to him the longer he plays, until the gentle air is filled with the sound of it. He loses himself, his mind elsewhere, eyes closed, all control surrendered to whatever force has taken over his hands. It’s something he hasn’t done in what feels like a lifetime.

Since he’s met him, Shuu can’t see the piano keys as just that anymore. Instead he pictures Kaneki, and that every touch of his fingers are trails made across his love’s skin, on every surface of his body. The piano holds no other meaning than to be adored.

 

He forgets the notes almost as soon as he creates them.

 

 

 

It’s late, late night by the time they lie in bed together.

“Ken..”

Kaneki shifts around in Shuu’s arms until he’s facing him. “Mm?” he mumbles.

Shuu strokes some of Kaneki’s hair away from his eyes. Lets out a little sigh, and touches his forehead with his lips.

"Do you know.." His voice trails off. Picks back up. _Because.._

“This place.. it’s also where my father proposed to my mother.”

He hears Kaneki gasp. Feels him move under his chin until they’re facing each other again. Kaneki’s eyes are wide.

"It... it is?"

"Mm."

 Kaneki leans up, his hand going to Shuu’s arm. He searches his eyes, back and forth.

Shuu can hear Kaneki's blood pulsing faster. He can't help but start feeling excited as well, watching Kaneki's lips as they open wider with his next words, his skin feeling warmer.

“.. Is.. that- are you- do y- because- if it is- then-"

Shuu grins, a giggle escaping, pulling Kaneki back down beneath him and kissing him. His heart starts pounding when he hears Kaneki laugh, goes into a haze when he feels Kaneki’s hands on his chest, melting, until his arms wrap around him and he’s being pulled deeper, deeper, deeper, and it’s in that moment he remembers the song he composed on the beach, feels it resonate within his bones, and all he wants is for that melody to become a part of him. He’s breathless, soaring as in equal measure heavy, tears coming forth, and he doesn’t think he can love Kaneki Ken any more than he possibly does in this moment, doesn’t feel that he’ll ever know such bliss again, because come morning when they leave this place, he’ll be leaving yet another part of him here, _what is there left to give when I’ve given you all I have_

And he thinks, _one day, I'll . ._

_one day, yes, we. .. ._

 

_. ... . . .._

 

 

 

_one day, we'll.. . . ..  
_

 

 

 

 

 

 

_________________________

Shuu wakes up.

 

Sighs.

 

Doesn’t lift himself up out of bed until he’s ready.

When is he ever ready, he thinks.

 

Sits up. Pulls out the pen and notebook next to the bed, in the drawer of the nightstand. He’s not sure whether he knows where he is or not. These days, it’s rare they’re ever in some sort of housing. He usually wakes up in a different vehicle they’ve procured in whatever means necessary the day before, surrounded by voices and the white noise of the car driving through empty streets.

 

He doesn't know why he bothers, but he's been in the habit of recording his dreams when he has the chance. Most times they're empty. Other times, it's...

He opens up the journal. This one’s almost full, and he doesn’t know when or where he’ll be able to get another. 

 

_Thursday:_

_That dream again._

  
He’s about to make the same entry he always does, the one that as of late has been responsible for the few pages remaining. He doesn't know why he bothers having the same dream over and over, doesn't know why he keeps writing the same words down when nothing changes.

He wishes, more than anything, that he could hear that song again. He can't remember it when he wakes up, despite the countless times he's had the dream. Sometimes he spends all day trying to recreate it, but it never comes back.

There's no point in trying to. Why does he even want to remember it, if it will only make him think of Kaneki? It's his song. Besides that, what good are dreams but false hope. He knows what happened last.. 

But also, Chie said.. it only reaffirmed his suspicions, but.. well, no sense in.. 

..But he keeps it up anyways. If there's ever one constant in his life, the one thing he never lets go of..

Look where it's led you, he thinks. But.. still. Despite everything..

 

He still can't let go.

 

He picks up the pen. Puts it to paper. Mulls over what he can remember from his dream.

 

_I dreamed that_

 

That is, until a sound surfaces.

 

A single note.

 

Airy, light.

A splash in the waves, a smile, a kiss.

 

Another note.

 

Sand, skin, touch.

Heat, warmth, intoxication.

 

Then another, and another, and another.

 

Shuu bolts out of bed, kicking the covers off and nearly tripping on the sheets to find his composition notebook.

 

He scurries to his belongings, throwing them, a flurry of paper, clothes, noise, a huge mess building that Touka will kill him for, the melody in his head building, he has to find it, has to put it down on paper before it leaves him, can’t bear to go another day without- but it’s not- it must be around somewhere, he knows he brought it, the one he always has on him, can’t ever lose, not when Karren and Matsumae’s notes are left in there, the song can’t go, it can’t leave him! it mustn't-

“Here!”

He rips through the pages, finding one of Karren’s songs there, a duet for violin and piano that he said he’d-

Panic rises, until he finally finds a blank page, he must look crazy, his hair a mess, the room a bigger mess, his eyes bulging but he doesn’t care, couldn’t care, but his pen is gone, on the bed, he pounces onto it, clawing the mattress to find it- there it is! thank- and he’s crying, the tears staining the page he’s begun writing on, pressing pen to paper so hard he’s sure the paper will rip, blurry vision as he tries to hear past his sobs to the melody that’s playing in his head, he sees Kaneki there next to him, hears his gasp, _one day_

 

And then it’s finished.

 

He breathes. Wracked, heavy pants.

 

And there, on paper, _tangible,_ the song that haunts him, but never comes to be outside of dreams.

He runs his fingers over the paper’s indentations of the music notes, hears the song play again as he reads the notes over and over and over.

 

It’s there. It’s real.

 

Shuu feels exhausted.

He sinks further into the bed, the sheets torn apart in his craze from only a few minutes ago.

 

Lies there, starts humming the song.

Oddly at peace.

 

He’s heard it again.

 

_”One day..”_

He realizes he has yet to title the composition.

_”one day..”_

 

“We’ll have this place again,” he whispers.

**Author's Note:**

> HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY ASUKA!!!!!!!!
> 
> I HOPE YOU LIKE IT I REALLY TRIED ;________; I wanted to do something special for you since it's the least I could do for you as of right now ;_______; I DID THE BEACH THING LIKE YOU WANTED (I HOPE)!!! Thank you for being the most amazing, thoughtful, sweetest, most considerate friend!! You have made my life so much brighter by being in it :3
> 
> (and for the rest of you, I'm talking about [this art by 0shiya,](http://shuuchans-lovely-pajimmyjams.tumblr.com/post/139152114490/chiyamabunny) my inspiration for this fic!!! it's so beautiful :(((( )
> 
> I rlly like Lana Del Rey, and this was also semi-inspired by "Video Games" and vaguely by "National Anthem" bc i m basic sometimes sorry for being a disgrace and "that person" u know the one who uses dumb lyrics in the sUMMARY I M S ORRY
> 
> To everyone else, I hope you had a great valentine's day!! 
> 
> If you have any critique for me, please let me know! I'm really trying to improve on a lot of things and I know this fic rlly isn't That Good but lord did I Try
> 
> And, if maybe u wanna throw me some headcanons or prompts or just ASK ME ABOUT OTTERS or dank waluigi or something, my tumblr is [@shuuchans-lovely-pajimmyjams](http://shuuchans-lovely-pajimmyjams.tumblr.com) :3 and ye, I promise I'm still working on that undertale au. It's just. Give me a while, I have a lot of things 
> 
> ANYWAYS, as always, thank you for reading! :3


End file.
